"Sharknado
2" is set to take place in New York and will probably be as big a train
wreck as the original and offer just as much horrible entertainment as the
first. Sharktapus... I have no words for. All I know is that it involves a
shark crossed with an octopus and a pteradactyl crossed with a barracuda. Your
guess is as good as mine as to what that'll be about... So why am I bringing up
all these past and sure to be future 5 star films? Well it is to debunk a myth
or two that shouldn't exist, but for some reason seem to.
First and foremost...
Sharknadoes do not exist. If a shark were to be picked up by a tornado, the
last thing the shark would be thinking about doing is eating whatever it gets
tossed to. Several people have asked me if a sharknado could happen in
real life. I don't know where that theory comes from, but it is a terrible
terrible theory that someone who looks waaaaaay too deeply into SyFy movies
probably came up with. Next. The vast majority of sharks live only in salt
water. They cannot survive in swimming pools or bath tubs. There are fresh
water sharks and even the bull shark has been known to travel over 100
miles from salt water, but they do not show up in pools or tubs. I've been
asked that a few times after "Ghost Shark" came out as a shark
randomly showed up in a swimming pool. The point that I am trying to get across here
is that SyFy movies are SyFy movies and nothing more people. I'd say roughly
99% of what you see in shark SyFy movies is well... Sci-Fi. I know it
sounds silly probably to be reading that, but there are some people out there
that are unaware of just how much fiction is poured into those movies. With
that being said, when Sharknado Week does roll around this year, by all means,
enjoy it. The movies will be horrible yet awesome, but keep in mind. You
are watching fiction and none of those movies should make anyone afraid to
get into the water. That's all I really have to say about that. Just keep
things in perspective when watching these films. You may just find
yourself terribly entertained!
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Now that the more
entertaining portion of the blog is done, grab a drink or a snack or
something because the rest of this blog is something that I
personanlly have issues with. <Proceed to get snack/beverage/whatever
now>
Welcome back for part
2 of this blog. So let me get everyone started with this not so light
hearted portion of the blog with a little clip that summarizes what this
portion is going to be about.
It's that time again
folks. It's time for Discovery Channel's Shark Week. You may recall that last
year I followed Shark Week and basically tore a few of the shows
apart as lies and accused others as nothing more than fear inducing and
un-educational aimed at ratings and nothing more. Well let's look at what
Discovery Channel has in store for us this year. First of all the trailer you
just watched. Everything that is wrong with people's images of sharks are in
this trailer. Let's dissect it shall we.The announcer states "The
shark that has been terrorizing...", the fact that the shark is a great
white "dead" on a scale (which would be illegal) with many
people, including children taking snapshots at the warrior fisherman and his
quarry, mass hysteria ensues when the shark randomly comes back to life for a
moment, okay a seal comes out of the shark alive (I get that is a
joke from last year's promo when the shark ate the seal), but then a person
comes out of the shark. Allright so we got terrorizing, mass hysteria,
glorifying shark hunters, and man eaters all in one 30 second clip. Impressive
right? That is just about everything wrong with people's images of
these animals. The media instills these fears and it drums up great
ratings for the network. In the end that's what matters to them, but for
people like myself who are trying to change the image of sharks in
the public eye, it is a slap in the face. For Discovery to sit there and
crow about it being all about conservation and then show the promo, is a slap
in the face of anyone who fights for these animals. We all work 365 days a year
to change the image of sharks to what it truly should be and Discovery
decides to push that horrible image that originated with "Jaws" right
back into everyone's faces. Don't believe that image exists? I personally know
several people who refuse to go into the ocean because of what they have seen
on TV (Namely Shark Week) and in movies (namely Jaws and to a lesser
extent it's sequels). So before the week even gets here Discovery Channel
is cramming that image of fear and monster down our throats. Fantastic.
Well, let's look at some of the upcoming shows and see if there is any saving
this year's installment of Shark Week.
"Zombie
Sharks": Okay horrible title. Obviously aiming for the crowds of The
Walking Dead, Zombieland, and other zombie films/movies. From the
description though, it seems like this show could potentially be onto
something. The show description is about tonic immobility. This
strange behavior sharks exhibit when they are flipped upside down. It's
almost like the shark goes to sleep or something. Either way, orcas have
seemingly discovered how to use it to their advantage and have been seen
inverting sharks until they drown and then eating them. Clever right? Here is
where the show concerns me. I don't think this show is going to be about
tonic immobility at all. The show description also makes note of one mans
journey to place a massive great white into this state with his own two hands.
I've got a feeling the show will be about this guy's quest and not about what
the tonic immobility is, why it happens, how it happens, and how orcas have
seemingly discovered it for themselves. Again, the show has potential, but
given Discovery's track record, I am nervous to get on board with this being an
educational show versus another one of those Shark Week shows that gets your
blood pumping as to whether or not he will meet his goal. I really do hope that
it turns out to be good though!
"Air Jaws: Quest
for Collosus": Air Jaws has always been one of my favorite shows Shark
Week has ever had. I hate the name of course, but the prior installments have
actually been educational and actually really fun and interesting to watch.
It's not about shark attacks on people but rather how the great white hunts for
it's natural prey in South Africa and Australia (Air Jaws II). I fear for this
show somewhat now. The description is very vague and it basically states that
the crew will be searching for a missing mega shark known as Colossus. I'm
hoping Colossus just turns out to be a large great white that has
been seen in South Africa or something and that they will not be looking
for this mysterious entity that does not exist. Given the sheer amount of
things that were covered in the first two shows, I would like to think this
wont be a borderline sci-fi mockumentary type deal. We'll probably see some
great whites jumping again, but at this point I'd like to see some others doing
their stuff as well... Shortfin Makos or Spinner sharks perhaps?
Not a bad start right?
I mean the title "Zombie Sharks" is pretty terrible, but the name
alone will attract people to what hopefully will be an educational show. Air
Jaws always brings people to the TV just by it's name and the fact that well, who
doesn't want to see great whites jumping clear out of the water? So Shark Week
doesn't look so bad right? Well that's about it for the good as far as I can
see based off of these previews I have in front of me. Let's look now at the
ugly...
"Sharkageddon":
Yup you got that title right. This show is about the mysterious shark invasion
of the waters off of Hawaii. Shark invasion in the waters off Hawaii. Take a
minute to think about that....... Sharks live in the ocean. They've been around
Hawaii far longer than we have even been around. We destroyed their numbers
with years of unprotected hunting out of anger and fear. Now some shark are
protected and Hawaii has a shark fin law in place that prohibits the sale and
trade of fins in the state. These laws and protections have, I would think,
helped sharks make somewhat of a recovery off of Hawaii. So let's look at the
statistics. Since 2001 there have been 2 fatal shark attacks in Hawaii. 2. Non
fatal... 65... So you're looking at roughly... 5 or so attacks on average per
year. That's an invasion? Yes, the numbers have been higher in the past 2 years
in attacks, but seriously? 65 attacks in 13 years. Try 100,000,000 attacks in
one year. That's how many sharks are being killed. This show is going to do
nothing but instill fear into people and potentially hurt conservation efforts
with all this "invasion" talk. If it were say, 100 people killed in 1
year. Okay then I could see a show from a historical stand point, but still
Sharkageddon? Please. It's all about the ratings here folks.
"I Escaped Jaws
2": Here we have another show that will be people who have been bitten by
sharks telling their stories. Usually these types of shows have ups and downs.
The upside is that usually the people who get bitten blame themselves and not
the shark. Usually they admit to being in the wrong place or not having enough
respect for them beforehand or something along those lines. Many have even
become dedicated shark advocates and conservation supporters. Those are the ups
and they are good ups by all means! How Discovery chooses to get to that
point however, is a disgusting down. These shows tend to be extremely
bloody and extremely dramatic. They don't just have people telling the story
and showing a picture or two of the bite healing. Instead Discovery makes
dramatic reenactments of the event as they see it. With the shark grabbing and
thrashing with no remorse and the person crying out for help as the water turns
bloodier than the waters of the Faroe Islands or Taiji. All the blood and gore
is for are the ratings. These stories could easily be told without all of that,
but isn't that what people are drawn to? I know these shows usually try to put
out the good message that it was the person's fault, but that message becomes
so lost in the blood, gore, and teeth that the show ends up doing the opposite
of what it could do.
"Great White
Matrix": First of all, this title makes me just say "uh what?".
All I can think of is the movie series "The Matrix" and try to
imagine sharks in it. Well that's not what this show is. This is another one of
those shows where "scientists" will be risking their lives by
going into "Shark Infested" (There's those words again) waters
off of Australia in an attempt to unravel the mystery behind several
"bizzare" shark attacks. So basically you can take Sharkageddon and
this show, switch the locations, and have the same show. As they have
done time and time again, Discovery is missing the boat in what more and
more people want to know about sharks. Again though, the head rush from
wondering if these guys are going to be killed by some monstrous man eating
shark is something that will drum up ratings. Therefore, that is probably
all that Discovery cares about. Want something interesting? Why not have it
be about trying to understand why there seems to possibly be more sharks
around in the past few years than normal? Why not have this be about the fact
that conservation efforts could actually be paying off for once as opposed to
trying to reinstate the fear of sharks that "Jaws" started when it
first came out? Ratings folks. Ratings.
"Alien Shark:
Return to the Abyss": I honestly am not sure where to put this show
as far as a potentially good or bad show. I grouped it here because to
me, the description seems a little out there. Scientists going out to try
and find a species of bioluminesent shark in the deep sea. I feel like this is
going to be another one of those shows where the ending is them not finding
anything after months of grueling work. I say that because if a species of
shark were to have been found, the world would have known about it long before
this show airs. Example: despite extremely tiny differences between itself and
the Scalloped Hammerhead, news of the Carolina Hammerhead was all over the place.
That discovery involved very small differences between itself and another
species. If a shark was found lighting itself up, I'm sure that would have made
headlines. Personally I feel like this sounds like a chasing Big Foot kind of
deal.
I'm sure at this point
you are getting the picture. I'll leave all but one other show alone for now as
I feel like they are either not worth mentioning for one reason or another or I
really am unsure what to make of them based on the descriptions given by Discovery
Channel. So that one final show I am going to look at, and I cannot believe I
am looking at it is....
"Megalodon: The
New Evidence": The first Megalodon show that Discovery put out last year
was a mockumentary that for some reason peaked the interest of people all over
the place. I cannot count the sheer number of people that asked me if Megalodon
exists or where can they be found. The show last year had FAKE scientists and a
ton of CGI. Whatever this evidence is that apparently nobody but Discovery has
is going to be a load of garbage. The show last year was 100% fake and the show
this year will be 100% fake. If anything Discovery should have linked up with
SyFy to produce a Megalodon horror movie. It probably would be more
entertaining than watching a fake documentary. The problem with this stuff
people is the old saying... People will believe anything if it's on TV. How
true is that? Discovery had people eating out of the palm of their hands over
last year's Megalodon show and I'm sure the same thing will happen again. The
thought of an ancient shark roaming our seas is by all means an interesting and
exciting one to say the least. However, the facts are that there is zero
evidence suggesting that these animals are actually alive today. I don't mean
folk tales. I mean hard evidence. No unfossilized teeth, no bodies, no photos,
no video, nothing. I implore you that if you decide to watch this disaster of a
show to keep an open mind. Yes I do suppose it's possible, but it's only a
possiblity and until it is proven, I simply cannot believe that these animals
exist today. People have argued with me about it stating the first show as
their source. That's the problem. People using a show that Discovery even
admitted to being fake as a reason to believe something.
Ladies and gentlemen,
you cannot believe everything you see on TV.
Discovery, if you want
a compelling, drama filled show, then take a page from movies like "The
Cove" and "Sharkwater". Have a crew do some undercover thing in
the name of conservation. Have some real life drama into
"discovering" (see what I did there?) the truth about sharks. Have
the people jump into shark filled (NOT INFESTED) waters in dramatic dives, but
don't have it be a random life and death experience. Let the viewers know there
is more to them than their teeth. No, a 15 second commercial once a night is
not enough to tell people the truth. More is needed. Images, videos, all things
that Discovery has sed to instill fear and excitement can instill excitement
and knowledge of the truth as well. Don't believe me that showing the truth
about sharks and what they are really about can be dramatic, exciting, and
frankly haunting? Well here just a small taste of what sharks are really
dealing with versus what the shows on Shark Week may lead you to believe.......WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES AHEAD.......